I for one am shocked that a retired engineer with no theological training turned out to be a bad theologian. What are you going to tell me next? That pastors shouldn’t try to build rocket ships??
Since we haven’t heard from Mr. Camping yet, and probably won’t be satisfied with what he says anyway, we’ve taken the initiative to put together a list of excuses for him.
Harold Camping’s Top 10 Excuses for May 21st
10. As I was reviewing my apocalyptic calculation I realized that I forgot to carry a 1. That’s gonna be my bad.
9. Jesus was going to come on Saturday, but he got sick. Apparently, he came down with a pretty bad case of Bieber Fever.
8. May 21st? Who said Jesus was coming back on May 21st? I didn’t say anything about May 21st.
7. Unfortunately Jesus got held up…..literally. He and the Macho Man Randy Savage are currently locked up in a cage match for Heavenmania XIV. My money is on Jesus, but he’s no the only one who can fly off the top ropes. Snap into a Slim Jim!
6. Armageddon was set to ensue with Donald Trump’s bid for the presidency. However, since The Donald spared the United States that apocalypse, Jesus decided he would do the same for the rest of the world.
5. Ohhh……you thought I was serious about that whole end of the world thing?! Really?? I thought a cranky 90 year old man ranting on the radio about the end of the world was obviously a joke.
4. Well, once Rob Bell published Love Wins Jesus realized he didn’t have anywhere to send the heathens anyway, so he decided to call the whole thing off.
3. Look, I talked to Jesus and he said he can’t do the whole end of the world thing until the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are available. So, once Seal Team Six has a few days off the apocalypse will be back on. I promise.
2. Curse that Benjamin Franklin and his daylight savings time! I completely forgot about that one. Let me redo my math and I guarantee I’ll get it right this time. Third time’s the charm!
1. Hey, look! What’s that over there??
Do you have some more excuses for Mr. Camping to use? Share them in the comments! Trust us, he’s going to need all the help he can get.