“How Feminine Am I?” – A Checklist For Godly Women

I’ve seen some appalling religious tracts in my day, but this one is right up there near the top of the list for worst tracts ever.

I found it over at Treasury of Tracts.

Apparently, it’s part of a larger booklet called Christian Charm Course which describes itself as…

“A Course for Girls Giving Methods for Improving the Outer Appearance Along with Spiritual Instruction for Developing the True Beauty which Comes from a Heart surrendered to the Love of Jesus Christ.”

Aside from being absurdly long, that subtitle makes one thing clear. When it comes to “true beauty,” improving the outer appearance comes first.

Anyway, here’s a few pages from the actual course.

First up, a place to put your picture so you can compare yourself before when you were a homely heathen and after when you became a cute, charming Christian. Personally, I love how this thing quotes the verse from 1 Samuel that says outer appearance doesn’t really matter and then literally says the complete opposite with the spaces for before and after pictures.

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Not sure how to walk or sit down like a godly woman? Don’t worry the Christian Charm Course has got you covered.

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And last but not least my personal favorite, a checklist to determine just how feminine you really are so nobody gets confused and thinks you’re a boy.

checklist

So, ladies, I hope you learned your lesson from this.

If you’re not a stick figure that wears dresses made from the old drapes in your mom’s living room (see above), then you’re not a godly woman.

25 Comments
  • herewegokids
    October 15, 2013

    Oh wow. That wasn’t triggering at all…”buttocks”?? “erect”?? “wriggle”?? Someone’s doing a lot of repressing, I’m just saying. And all the NONONO….give it a rest!! Apparently all the traits on the left are fine and dandy for a man…just wow.

    • herewegokids
      October 15, 2013

      I have a very strong, compelling urge to go out immediately and do everything on the no list.

      • Adele Bohn
        October 15, 2013

        o yes! me too! once i heard a “christian” woman discuss how she was gonna serve the poor “sinner” in a dog collar. clearly the dog collar meant the woman was in bondage to sin and had low self esteem. i nearly bought a dog collar that day. i still might. 🙂

        • Elaine Schoepf
          October 23, 2013

          Wait, wait… was it the supposedly Christian woman wearing the dog collar? or the poor sinner?

          Was she a Christian dominatrix, maybe? Or a church of England vicar?

          Or a Dominatrix, serving a Church of England vicar who liked to play “poor sinner” games? hmm… the possibilities boggle the mind.

          • Adele Bohn
            November 7, 2013

            🙂 the poor sinner. but i like your train of thought! i’m imagining the artwork!

          • Elaine Schoepf
            November 7, 2013

            the combinations boggle the mind… now I think I need to do a photography series of this topic… oh dearie me.

    • here by accident
      December 31, 2014

      Yes. Apparently, gawdy makeup is okay for a man! bahaha!

  • Ariel Price
    October 15, 2013

    Well, that about sums up my childhood. And that’s why I’m now a Jesus Feminist.

  • Lori McClure
    October 15, 2013

    The only thing missing in the pics is a man standing to the side with a whip saying, “Atta girl!” Ugh, it would be more funny than sad if I didn’t think girls were being taught this nonsense out there somewhere. I also didn’t realize that boots and short hair produce automatic and uncontrolled profanity. Good to know. Good to know . . .

  • Matt Stout
    October 15, 2013

    My favorite is the part about “slangy language.” Real women speak in antiquated vernacular!

  • Joshua Shope
    October 15, 2013

    The first rule for Christian girls is no fatties, huh? Betcha 100 bucks this was written by an overweight guy. But it’s okay for him.

  • mizzdee2000
    October 15, 2013

    Oh my goodness! According the the checklist, I’m a man.

  • GreenEyedLilo
    October 15, 2013

    Every female hockey fan I know fails the femininity test on game night. It’s as if they want women pruned and compressed like bonzai trees. Too bad for them. Femininity doesn’t look like much fun.

  • generation4Him
    October 15, 2013

    This must be why I don’t fit in well with most Christian women, and find their ways confusing and mysterious and they seem to know that I’m not friendship material?

  • Rebecca Erwin
    October 15, 2013

    I did this book in Jr. High. I think i have it somewhere in a box.

    Definitely NOT feminine with my vocabulary, BUT I look great!

  • generation4Him
    October 15, 2013

    You know on the flip side, I’m worried about the image of MASCULINITY this thing projects. Like, smoking tobacco is painted as something that might help distinguish the guys from the girls?

  • Dana Scully
    October 16, 2013

    My parents bought me this book when I was 12, and I read it as if it was really important and internalized it for years. I was very muscular due to farming and horse-related activities and attempted to diet because I felt that I had a “bulky” figure.

    *former CREC crap*

  • sharon autenrieth
    October 16, 2013

    Yep, I remember my sisters having this book in the early ’70s. And I remember STILL seeing it for sale in a Christian bookstore in the early ’90s. To echo one of the other comments, this sort of bs is why I, too, am a Jesus Feminist.

  • Tim
    October 17, 2013

    Wait a sec … if I find myself checking off more things in the right column than the left, does that mean I’m not a man? I need to call my wife and kids and give them the news!
    Tim
    P.S. Did anyone else think the picture on the bottom left looks like Annie Hall?

  • Erica M.
    October 17, 2013

    Followed this from the Trainwreck blog, and I can’t stop laughing now. XD

    I’m chiefly amused by the whole “how to sit down” thing, because whenever I try that the chair ends up scooting away from me. (It is entirely possible this is a plot by the Devil.)

    I’m not even going to comment on the “drinking liquor” one. 😛

  • Angharad
    October 18, 2013

    Ha ha this reminds me of why i used to wish i was a boy when i was a little girl. Boys didn’t have these #^(?#$! rules. lol

  • Mere Dreamer
    October 20, 2013

    Wow. I was actually taught this by my dorm mother at boarding school. I still worry about how I walk, sit, and stand … not because I want to do it their way, but because my efforts to comply gradually pulled my spine out of alignment and now I have to re-train my body to eliminate back pain.

  • Anonymous
    October 22, 2013

    What’s so funny is that a lot of high-ranking women executives are incredibly feminine. Have you ever seen the video of the Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg doing a TED talk in stilettos?

  • Rebecca
    October 22, 2013

    I actually took this course in church back in the early 80’s ha ha ha…memories 🙂 and also part of why I am also a Jesus feminist

  • jan2
    June 16, 2015

    did you ever read about deborah in the old testament?

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